August 22, 2003: The Beast That Will Not Die

1977 Datsun 280Z, 2+2 model Picture c. 2000, before most of this shit ever broke, but back when the clutch was broken, and it had yet to leave my front yard.

Work done in last three years: (not counting maintenance type stuff)

New clutch - $400
New slave cylinder for the clutch - $90
Fuel pump re-wiring - $60
New alternator - $80
New universal joint thingy on rear axle - $300
New brake hoses - $260
New battery cables - $6

Current status:

Tires: One fairly new, two well-worn, one with bald patches.

Wheels: Unbalanced and out of alignment.

Hood: Hood release lever inside hood fell off. Mechanism for hood release using lever inside car doesn't work anymore. Hood is wired shut. Decorative vent thingy broke and fell off, leaving large hole in right side of hood, where rain can easily fall on most of car's electrical components.

Brakes: Front brakes need new rotors and calipers. Rear brakes need new drums. Front brake pads over 100% worn, according to Firestone technician. Rear brake shoes near 100% worn, according to same guy.

Headlights: Either a broken switch relay or a short in the wiring results in headlights randomly not working, with proper headlight operation happening maybe 10% of the time. Night driving nearly impossible.

License plate: Tag expired last November.

Turn signals: Right signal works great. Left turn signal only lights up on the rear, and doesn't blink. This means that I have to manually flip the turn signal lever back and forth to simulate blinking, and cars facing me still think I'm going straight.

Stereo: 8-track player (yes, 8-track player) doesn't automatically advance to next track anymore, and if the tape isn't inserted in precisely the correct position, it plays at super-slow speed or not at all. Best of Bill Cosby 8-track getting old after the ten-millionth listen.

Speakers: Wire shorted out somewhere. Left speaker works, right doesn't.

Driver's side door: Outside door handle doesn't work at all. Door doesn't lock from the inside. Window crank fell off, and rubber knob fell off the window crank that had already fallen off the door.

Passenger's side door: Smashed-in and rusty.

Passenger's side front and rear fenders: Smashed-in and rusty.

Air conditioner: Doesn't work. Blows out hot fucking air.

Heater: Heat only comes out of defrost vents, while icy cold air still comes out of the dashboard vents.

Rear window: Rear defrost doesn't work. Decorative shade thingy missing one louvre, or whatever the hell they're called. It's in my trunk, but I can't put it back on, because it got smashed flat by a car after it fell off, and I haven't been able to bend it back how it's supposed to be.

Engine: I have to warm the car up as though it was winter in the middle of August. I repeat, I have to warm the goddamn car up in August. Until car is warmed up, it won't idle or stay running without constant pressure on the gas pedal for more than 20 seconds. Also on the subject of car-warming, it doesn't warm up AT ALL during the winter. These issues must be addressed or by the time November rolls around, the car becomes a one-ton paper weight.

Radiator: Mishap with leak-stopping stuff stopped leak, but may have clogged up something. Also, there's some tiny little holes in the top of it. Weird, since the holes are usually in the bottom.

Horn - doesn't work. In addition, short circuit in horn button sometimes shocks me when I tough metal parts of the steering wheel. Originally had two horns mounted near front of car. Then, one fell off.

I hate you all. Send money.

December 24, 2003: The Beast That Will Not Die, Part Two: The Photo-Expose, if You Will.

Front view. Note the large hole in the hood, where a plastic vent-thingy used to go.

Closeup of hood-hole. Note that much of the electrical system is exposed to rain, snow, and god knows what else.

The Z-Car, from the good side, relatively speaking.

Mirros aren't supposed to point that way! MIRRORS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO POINT THAT WAY!

From the passenger's side: REALISTIC BATTLE-DAMAGE!

The rear window. Note the missing whatever-it's-called.

A radio antenna.

The same antenna after a quick "adjustment."

The engine of The Beast, in all its oil-soaked, burned-up glory.

A fairly normal-looking dashboard. The fuzzy dashboard cover is kinda tacky, though. Wonder what it looks like under there...

Ah. So THAT"S why that thing was there.

You can't handle my Latino Heat!

The driver's side door, with a mysterious little metal knob-thingy sticking out. I wonder what that's for...

Oh yeah, that's right.

Here, we have the console, with the little lid-thingy that's supposed to close over it having been ripped off long ago. The contents here include several Kroger, Petsmart, and Wal Mart nametags, various pens and pencils, and three and a half box cutters. No shit, three and a half.

One of my old brake pads. Note the thickness and black color of the pad. This one actually had some life left in it.

One of my other old brake pads. Note the silver color on parts where the pad had worn completely down to metal, and absense of any thickness at all. This one was fucking dead.

Nice upholstery.

Hmm. Looks like a fairly normal old-school AM/FM car stereo.

But it holds a dark secret! If there wasn't so much glare when I took the photo, it would reveal a SEEECRET 8 TRACK PLAYER!

The 8-track tape in question: The Best of Bill Cosby.

The bizarre snarl of tape that was once the George Carlin FM & AM 8-track that was fucked when I got it off Ebay. It stays in my glove compartment now, for reasons I'm not aware of.

The trunk. Contents here include:
A three-quarters full jug of anti-freeze.
An unopened jug of anti-freeze I spent 7 bucks on, when I forgot that I had the other one.
A shitty towel.
The oil-change pan I borrowed from my brother this summer and never returned after never bothering to change my oil.
Three random-ass pieces of wood with nails sticking out of them. I was gonna use them for something; I just can't remember what. Now, they frequently puncture my flesh. Fucking boards.

Another view of the trunk after rermoving the other shit and lifting the SECRET~! panel. Contents that I can make out from this picture include:
A weird-ass spare tire that doesn't work.
Half of the plastic vent thingy that goes on the hood.
A hanger.
Various tire-change-related tools.
Brake fluid.
My old battery cables.
A flyer from a Hatebreed / Madball show. (?)
Several burnt-up spark plugs.

Represent, yo.