September 17, 2000: Into the Vault: A Dose of Reality

Originally published in Paranoize #10, sometime around December 1998

Well, this is my first attempt at writing for anything other than school, so let me warn you that sometimes I get bored and write strange things. Anyway, after about a week of alternating helpless glances at a blank computer screen and scanning over a two-year old copy of "Extent", hoping to find some ideas to steal, (Heh heh) I still had nothing to write about. (Life is like that sometimes.) Finally, I concluded, "Hmm.What do people usually write about in these situations?.I know! I'll bitch about something!" This was not the quick fix I wanted, as I couldn't come up with a good topic to rant about. Finally, I said, "Hey, who needs GOOD topics?" So I thought of the first thing that came to mind that sucked. Now, I will whine for a page or so about how much I hate reality. Hey, no one's ever accused me of writing sensible stuff, anyway.

The way things are today makes me sick. I'm sick of laws and people and school and the Starr Report and trees and pigeons and pretty much everything else. Why couldn't reality be like it is on MTV, where you get a free luxury apartment and a job for doing nothing more than looking good and being a bad actor? How come in the thousands of years of human civilization, there have been absolutely no honest to God super heroes? I mean, come on! We've got the chemicals, let's find some guy who was put in prison for a crime he didn't commit and USE those chemicals! People may say, "Oh. That's just a stupid idea from a kid's comic book." Well, is it? How do we know? Have YOU ever been bitten by a radioactive spider? I didn't think so. So how can you say it's a stupid idea? One of the biggest problems in society these days is that everything we do has to have "scientific proof" or "a purpose" or "the slightest chance of actually happening." What kind of useless crap is that? Hell, if we would just start work on a warp engine, we could contact the aliens, and the Autobots and Decepticons could have been fighting over control of the planet by now. But no, we have to spend our time fighting world hunger and the war on drugs or other boring crap like that. Instead of having the fat-cat politicians throwing our money away on such frivolous nonsense, we could launch the all-out investigation to locate Elvis, Jim Morrison, Tupac, and Marilyn Monroe or begin construction on the Space Bridge to Cybertron. But I guess as long as the Republicans, Democrats, Reform Party members, and independents are in office, it's not going to happen. I can never escape this fact, no matter how deeply I submerge myself in G.W.A.R. albums or the strange Internet subculture of "Mr. T vs. X." For now, I can just I can just wait here, watching my prized uncensored copy of Transformers: The Movie on an endless loop until the day comes when the people finally get their heads out of their ass and start doing things my way, or the Feds bust in, drag me out to the street, and shoot my fat ass in the back of the head. Until that day.Till all are one.

Like I said, sometimes I get bored and write strange things, man. I promise you that I'm not on drugs. If anyone asks, I've been sick lately.

2006 Reflections: God damn, maybe I WAS on drugs back then and didn't realize it.