April 12, 2001: Random Thoughts at Work

As a few of you know, I have a second job now. In addition to my prestigious duties as a Kroger bag boy, as of a few weeks ago, I now work as an exterminator. Mainly this job consists of driving to and from people's houses, walking around the perimeter of buildings, and spraying walls, and most of the time, no one else is around. This gives me a lot of time to think about stuff. Weird stuff. This page will be a collection of random thoughts I have while controlling pests of various types. Fittingly, it will be updated at random...

The fish on the sign for the Katfish Korral seems way too happy with the knowledge that he is about to die. Then again, it is a fish, and fishes aren't exactly the biggest thinkers in the animal kingdom. Also, I kind of doubt that a solemn, regretful fish would seem very appetizing to hungry restaurant patrons. Then again, it is just a fucking cartoon, and it's physically impossible for a cowboy to catch a fish with a lasso...

Damn, I hate when the letter K is used in place of a hard C sound.

Good God, that dog is totally old.

I think this person left Playboys cover-side up on the back of the toilet just to torture me.

Oh shit... This is that gimp with the Green Bay Packers logo on his van...

The true mark of a good dog is their ability to determine which people to bark at and which people to not bark at.

Little kids that walk around singing Christian rock scare the shit out of me.

Mad Magazine has certainly lost its appeal lately.

The key element of comedy is surprise. If something happens that you're expecting, it won't be funny. And if it's something completely surprising, it can be funny even if the statement isn't funny on its own merits. So given the right conditions, walking up to someone and saying "Ray Agnew, so bad, kid," could get at least a chuckle from those around you.

If I see another bumper sticker that says "sit down, shut up, and hold on," I'm going to kill somebody.

The sticker on this person's window says "Exotic Princess." Because of course, if you put foil stickers from vending machines on your car, you must certainly be an exotic princess. Jeez.

Oh god... Backless garments shouldn't be made for women over 200 pounds. Actually, judging by the way that thing fits that bitch, I don't think they make them that size, anyway.

I wonder whatever happened to "Iceman" King Parsons...

There's nothing more depressing than waiting for a tropical fish to die.

Wow, this house is actually dirty. These are my people.

Eh, I never liked that fish anyway.

Hahahaha... Bathroom Mephisto... Damn, that was some funny shit.