October 22, 2001: You Might be Lame If...

You've ever smoked a joint... In a chatroom.

You aren't a 50 year old woman, yet you often wear a tennis visor.

You insist on being called by a really cool nickname that was given to you by yourself.

Current Christian contemporary music doesn't seem at least ten years out of date to you.

Two words: TRIBAL TATTOOS.

You think that people will assume that your are a "hottie," "spoiled brat," "exotic princess," or "vixen;" because it's written in big letters across your shirt.

To you, driving by the local high school during lunch and revving your engine really loud is the very definition of coolness.

You have green Carson Daly hair and play songs in your parents' two-car garage in the suburbs about how you're "not gonna be part of your society."

You've ever uttered the following phrases, and not purely in jest: "Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey," "mad chill," or "chillin' like a villain."

You always wear shirts that show off your belly button piercing, even though your stomach hangs over your belt.

You go to hardcore shows and plan out what you're going to wear weeks in advance.

You claim to be a "bisexual gothic punk." You also claim to be an "individual."

Your justification for dropping out of school was "because school sucks."

Your favorite song of all time is the one you like that was most recently released as a single.

You have ever even considered rolling up one leg of your jogging pants.

You keep adding more chrome and expensive stereo components to your automobile, yet you continue to ignore things like rust spots, dents, serious oil leaks, and the way the tailpipe drags on the ground.

You have ever found yourself strongly sexually attracted to a female video game or cartoon character.

You either find the Cathy comic strip to be amusing or regularly watch Ally McBeal.

You just stocked up on American flag related merchandise, even though tyou hadn't had a single patriotic thought in the last 15 years. Soon, they will all be in the closet next to all your Dale Earnhart collectibles from a few months ago.

You started a website for the sole purpose of writing poems about how people don't understand you.

Two words: GOLD TEETH.