November 6, 2002: "Punk Politics" and Why You Are the Most Selfish, Inconsiderate People in the World

Well, it's been a couple months, so it's about time for another "I hate hippies" rant that the six or so regular visitors haven't been so vocal in their support for. I was kind of lurking in a "punk/hardcore/bla bla bla" type chatroom, and as always, the kids there didn't disappoint me in giving me inspiration for a page to make fun of them. Basically, from what I could gather from the conversation that was going on was that these kids viewed the quality of a government by the expanse of its welfare programs, with one Australian guy claiming his country was the best because as he put it, "you can get a fortnightly check, so no one has to work." No, I didn't make that up, and yes, I wish I had. Also, there was another ambition-driven young lad who spent over an hour quizzing people of all nationalities about their countries' systems, because he was frantically searching for a state to move to where he could get "social welfare, without having to work." His hopes and dreams must be staggering in their magnitude, (sarcasm, Clyde) but that's another rant entirely. He also considered squatting to be a form of "social activism," although I'm not sure how you're going to change the world by camping out in an abandoned house. All that time I worked at Kroger, there was this schizophrenic homeless guy who would sleep under one of the trailers behind the store, and I never realized that he was such a world-chaning dissident. But once again, another rant entirely. Anyway, back on subject, you can't be around idealist punk rockers for more than an hour or so without one of them mentioning another way to fight evil, nasty capitalism often referred to as "scamming," which is a progressive way of saying "stealing shit." Basically, you steal shit from big, nasty, puppy-kicking corporate giants, and the money they lose is another blow against the evils of capitalism. Yeah, I know, but I'll get to it in a minute. Bascially, I thought about these things, began to put everything together, and came to a conclusion:

Those who practice "punk politics" are the most selfish, inconsiderate people in the world.

What?

I said those who practice "punk politics" are the most selfish, inconsiderate people in the world.

What?

Okay, that's getting old already. (Although it filled my wrestling-reference quota for the page...) Let me explain.

There's a concept very foreign to a lot of hardcore left-wingers, from the relatively well-adjusted "the Democrats just aren't liberal enough" crowd to the most batshit crazy Communist, and that's the concept of consequences. Every action has consequences. A lot of people on the left don't like this concept, as it doesn't allow them to blame someone else (*cough* Republicans *cough*) for the shittiness of their own situations, when barring mental or physical disaster, the shittiness of said situation is almost always one-hundred percent their own faults. (An example could be me working at fucking grocery stores with my bigass IQ and National Merit Scholarship...) I could go on a whole "death of personal responsibility" rant here, but the main thing relevant to this particular rant is that the average punk-rocking capitalism-fighter doesn't realize that their actions have consequences that affect other people, as well.

Okay, here we go. You're a crazy punk rocker out to change the world, so you go your local Evil Corporate Clothing Store (ECCS™) and steal a bunch of baggy-assed clothes. You have just effectively fought capitalism by costing them a bunch of money, and by fighting, you've helped out "the little guy," right? Well, let's say you and your punk rocking friends steal a whole bunch of clothes from your local ECCS™ store over a long period of time. Eventually, they have to raise prices to keep from losing money. You've successfully "helped" the people of your town pay more for baggy-assed clothes, and I'm sooo sure they'd love to thank you for it. Then, the manager gets pissed about so much stuff getting stolen, and he fires one of the people working there for not doing a better job of keeping an eye on things. Now, you've successfully "helped" a poor victim of capitalism miss a few tuition payments and get kicked out of school, completely fucking over his entire future. Good work! Okay, let's say you keep it up long enough until you achieve ultimate victory and run the evil corporate giant that is your local ECCS™ out of business. Now, you've "helped" about twenty people find their way to the promised land of unemployment. Now, I implore you to go to each one of them, tell them how you "helped" them and "made a difference" in their lives, and I'm sure they'll also thank you in their own special way.

Okay, now to the whole welfare thing. I can guess where the angle probably is with this one: "The government has all this money, and as good little socialists, we should get our fair share and get a free ride on their dime." Well, that's kinda dumb. Where do you think the government gets all that money? Remember: The government does not make its own money. It takes it, in the form of taxes, out of the pockets of its citizens. So for those lazy-ass Australians to get their fortnightly check, the poor Aussies who actually work for a living have to get fucked in the ass without a kiss by the tax man. Oh, I know what you'll say, though... "Why should they have so much when others have so little? It's not fair!" Fuck you. Before I get to my rebuttal, just fuck you. There, I've said it. Anyway, as I've often said, you people have the definition of "fair" all screwed up. "Fair" does not mean "equal." If someone doesn't do anything useful to society, it's only fair that what they have isn't equal to that of those who actually do make themselves useful. Okay, let's look at these three situations:
A. The guy who sleepwalked his way through school before eventually dropping out, and has spent most of his life staying drunk or high, and recently quit his job at McDonalds, because he felt it was too hard.
B. Someone who did okay in school and even went to college, but refuses to work or otherwise contribute to society, because they know they can get by on welfare.
C. A guy who did okay in school, worked two jobs to pay his way through college, then got a good job in the hopes of providing a decent life for his family.
D. The single mother who works over 60 hours a week to feed, clothe, and house her two teenage sons, while trying to save up to go back to college someday.
Okay. How is it "fair" for A and B to recieve their "equal" share out of the pockets of C and D? Why should C and D suffer so the other lazy assholes can by get by for free? Not to mention that the number of lazy assholes leeching off the system means less welfare dollars that could have gone to cripples, retards, or elderly people who can't take care of themselves and actually need the handout. How is this "social justice," as you so lovingly put it?
And what I'm trying to get to - but can't find a way to get to properly, so I'm just going to charge headlong into another paragraph - is the root cause for the average idealist punk rocker's love for such selfish principles. You're scared. You're scared of the day that you'll have to move out of your parents' house and actually have to pay your own way. You don't want to use your hands, and you sure as hell don't want to use your brains for anything other than recreational purposes. And more than anything, you're scared of responsibility. Capitalism is your enemy, because capitalism requires effort and a fair amount of personal sacrifice. You're scared of actually having to work for a living, and you found a system that hypothetically allows others to make the effort and put forth the sacrifices, while you collect the benefits, so you jumped all over it like a congressman on a teenage intern. Also, to you, theivery is less of a reprehensible action than it is simply a fun way to make yourself feel like you're making a difference, while some other poor schmuck takes the fall for it.You are the most selfish, inconsiderate people in the world.

...And all I know is that if my main goal in life ever becomes finding a country with the loosest welfare programs, I want all my loved ones to band together and beat the shit out of me with baseball bats, until they're sure I'm out of my fucking misery.