July 4, 2000: Debunking Popular Sayings

A bird in the hand is usually dead.

Whoever said "it's better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all" obviously either never lost or wasn't really in love.

No one has ever been able to tell me what the hell "a stitch in time saves nine" means.

Slow and steady has never won any race I've ever seen.

Dog is man's best friend, until he shits on the floor or gets rabies.

A friend in need is a friend indeed, but people who add a "friend with weed" part to that saying are dumbasses.

Why the hell would anyone want to skin a cat in the first place, much less in more than one way?

Honesty is the best policy only if you have nothing to hide.

Great minds think alike, but then again, so do Korn fans...

In a fight, a guy with a pen versus a guy with a sword is as good as dead.

A penny saved is still just one fucking penny.

A rolling stone gathers no moss, but I could swear Keith Richards's skin looks almost green.

A watched pot never boils, unless you turn the fire on, you dipshit.

One bad apple doesn't spoil the whole bunch, but a diseased apple tree will.

"Winning isn't everything" is something losers say.

The light at the end of the tunnel is a train.

If you lay down with dogs, you're a goddamn pervert.

Early to bed, early to rise may make you healthier, but I know plenty of broke dumbasses who go to bed at 9 and wake up at 6...

An apple a day will make you die of malnutrition.

People who say "money can't buy you happiness" would probably be a lot happier if they had more money.